When I started this post about self-care for writers, the world was on fire, yes, but that’s basically a background buzz one starts to live with after 2020. The US Capitol had yet to be stormed by a raging mob of white homegrown terrorists. As you can imagine, my direction for this post had to change. I’ve cut a bunch. You can probably tell exactly where I put down the proverbial pen, watched a bunch of white dudes scale the wall at the US Capitol, freaked out, axed most of what I’d written, and started again. Stay safe out there, Reader. This is bonkers. - Self-care in the time of COVID seems trivial. The medical professionals are truly suffering, teachers are struggling to reach their most at-risk students, parents are stretching to meet the needs of their kids and employers. Compare that to my anxieties, and I feel like if I had ability to help others comfort themselves, that’s where my priorities should lay. The problem in this line of thinking, however, is that it isn’t fair to rank suffering. Regardless of experience, our trauma is real. (So freakin’ real.) I realized that if I work through my anxiety without minimization of my feelings or have judgement of how others deal with theirs, it will lead to compassion. There’s a word I think we could all use more of right now. Compassion. What a concept. So I thought about it for a while. Here are a few things you can do to take care of the more vulnerable. Educate yourself. To be extra blunt, our world is on fire, in some cases quite literally. What happened at the US Capitol building last week was unconscionable. What happened to Breonna Taylor is beyond words. People are suffering. Worrying for their family, scared for themselves. My privilege has done a mighty job protecting me from seeing so much tragedy. When George Floyd was murdered, I finally realized it was up to me to educate myself on allyship. I’ve found extreme value and discomfort in reading Me and the White Supremacy by Layla Saad. The book is broken into short chapters with journal prompts that make you answer questions about how you interact in the world, and where you’re dropping the ball. I picked up the book curious about allyship and I left it (before returning to it time and time again) knowing so much of what must change falls on my shoulders and on the shoulders of people who look like me: blonde. White. Green-eyed Midwestern women. Donate. There are groups in your community that need funds desperately to keep motoring along to fight. Find local groups dedicated to preserving (or breaking!) traditions and problems that are of personal investment to you. Here in Sioux Falls, the annual Pad Party is going on this week – the drive to stock up our food pantry with menstrual product supplies. Pad Party 2021 (Menstrual Product Drive) | Events | Facebook. If you’re local, consider donating. More details are in the link. Gift cards. Particularly to small businesses. Its so imperative to keep money local, especially right now. And the recipient can curb-side pick up a nice treat. Mute/block/unfollow. Your mental health is worth it. Finally, do not recommend self-care, if the person you’re talking to doesn’t want to hear it. The house, like I said, is on fire. There are only so many eucalyptus-lilac infused bath bombs to tolerate. Rather, listen. Support. Ultimately, take care of yourself and those around you, even the random coworker or neighbor who seems like she has it together. She might. But she really might not. And enjoy that eucalyptus-lilac infused bath if that’s what works for you. We’ll get through this. Somehow. I'm still learning. I want to be the best ally I can be, and I know that means not leaning on others to teach me, but to do the work on my own. If you're learning too, please - let's continue the conversation. --- A word about what happened in Washington DC on Wednesday, January 6, 2021. My platform is new, but my voice is not: what happened that day and has been stewing away underground and behind closed doors for years is domestic terrorism. It scares me to my core when I’m not talking about it, let alone when I stop and remember. It feels even worse because I think we all know its not done. If you find yourself struggling to a larger extent than what you think is normal or within your ability to cope with safely, I deeply recommend you reach out for help. A lot of employers have Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) that foot the bill for a predetermined number of therapy sessions. They’re confidential and hugely valuable. You aren’t alone. Yours in compassionate action, Stephanie
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